In Bethlehem there is a super modern, sophisticated
restaurant on the top floor of a tall building. When I stepped out of the
elevator onto the sixth floor, I walked into a ritzy looking lobby with a tall,
black unoccupied front desk and a huge, intricately embellished rust-colored
door. I pushed through the door into a beautiful dining area: I saw the sleek
furniture illuminated by blue lighting. The black tables contrasted nicely with
the classy-looking white upholstered chairs. As I looked around, I felt like I
had escaped all of the hyper-conservatism and restraints of the culture. I was
in Europe.
I began
looking around at the other costumers and beyond them, at the ironic scenery
out the windows. The atmosphere inside is ultra-western and seems inconsistent
with the ancient architecture and crumbling buildings below. I felt like I was
observing mayhem from the safety of a strange alternate reality. But, when I
looked back again at the people in the restaurant, I realized that I had not
really left anything. In fact, the diverse crowd of people was bursting with
contradiction.
The
customers were Muslim, Christian, secular, local, and foreign. With
representations of each of these cultures crammed into a room together, the
differences between each of them were undeniable. Here everyone has their
religious affiliation on their ID card. Who they are, what they can do, who
they marry is all determined by their family because their family determines their
religious affiliation. So, as a matter of pride they take religious regulations
and allowances extremely seriously. For example, many Christians here will
drink alcohol (excessively) to prove that they are not Muslim. Muslim women
cover their heads to prove they are not Christian. Actions and appearances are
carefully executed to tell others who you are and who you are not. It is really
fascinating.
So, as I
sat there eating my Greek salad I watched the already distinct cultures morph
into caricature-like representations of subcultures here. The Muslim couple
that walked in together in an almost formal fashion--gliding across the room regally, no physical affection. They walked to a table with a nice view, sat
down and proceeded to eat, smoke, chat and definitely not drink. I notice a couple
walk in holding hands. How scandalous. Her head was uncovered. He was looking
at her playfully. They sat down and stared lovingly into each other’s eyes as
they held hands and engaged in playful conversation. It was such a contrast to
the other couple, that I felt almost violated by their public affection.
Next, I
scanned the room and noticed a large table with about 10 people—half men, half
women. All of the men were sitting at one half of the table and the women at
the other end. All of the women were wearing hijabs. Muslim women do not
usually go out in public without a male member of their family. The next table
over seated 4 uncovered women enjoying a night out. They each had a glass of
wine and were brazenly talking and laughing with each other—unsupervised.
It seemed
to me that everywhere I looked in this restaurant there were contrasts. It was almost comical. Many of the stereotypes that I heard—and was a little
skeptical of—were manifesting themselves right in front of me. The restaurant
was like a platform to declare one's identity to “the others.” Their
appearance, food, and drink all painted an unmistakable picture of who they
were.
It is
really interesting how often we try to prove who we aren’t instead of living as
we are. I see this at home too. I don’t want anyone to mistake me for a
conservative so I am going to put bumper stickers on my car declaring my political
views to all who see me. God-forbid people would mislabel me. We are so worried
about telling people who we are not, what we don’t like, and why others are
wrong that we forget who we actually are. Constructing an identity by judging
and rejecting the identities of others leads to extremism. It’s like the
Christians here drinking alcohol excessively to reject the identity of the
Muslims. They miss the point. Instead of enjoying freedom responsibly and
respectfully, they throw their freedom in the face of captives and rejoice that
they aren’t the trapped. They obsess over the differences and miss out on the refreshing new friendships that diversity can facilitate.
Identity
that is established by observing other human beings always disappoints. Instead
of looking outside of ourselves and allowing God to cultivate love, respect,
and patience, we become distracted by our own definition of who we are and obsess about who we aren't. We are
so worried about explaining ourselves, defending ourselves, and promoting
ourselves that we forget to actually become ourselves. We miss the opportunity to
mature and grow into loving, selfless people.
