Living in a culture that is not your own is a simultaneously
excruciating and exhilarating experience. I have met fascinating people, begun
to learn a new language, seen incredibly old beautiful architecture, and
realized the universality of judgmentalism. The exhilaration of learning how to
survive and interact in a different culture seems to be in constant tension
with the inevitability of failing to perfectly and constantly act culturally appropriate.
It is a palpable tension that pulls at my soul. It is almost suffocating. How
do I interact with people and experience organic social interaction without people
misinterpreting my friendliness for something not so wholesome? How do I
overcome expectations and stereotypes in order to enter into and learn about a
culture that I do not fully understand? Is my desire to know more about the
people around me not worth the risk of proving to be a total weirdo?
These
questions have been driving me crazy lately. I am an overly social sometimes-obnoxious
individual. I love being with people. I strike up conversations with strangers
too easily. As a single woman living in a pretty conservative, mostly-Muslim
culture, this can be a dangerous combination. I am often reminded to be more
reserved, less sociable, and more cautious. It is so hard. I want to hear
everyone’s stories. I want to laugh and converse and understand what life here
is really like. I want to be carefree and uninhibited. But the culture tells me
to rein it in. Stay out of sight. Blend into the background, please. It feels
like judgment. It feels like condemnation. It feels like prison.
I have been
thinking lately that it is not just this culture that does this. The church is
often guilty of the same restrictive, judgmentalism that feels so smothering.
While I cannot change the culture here, I can change my own perceptions of
other people. I have realized that I am guilty of the same preconceived notions
and assumptions that I feel so trapped by. I assume I know people’s intentions,
desires and motivations, when in reality I don’t.
My
assumptions give me a false sense of control. If I can label people or assume I
know what “type of people” they are, I can dismiss them. Or manipulate them. Or
judge them. I don’t have to interact. I don’t have to make myself uncomfortable
by engaging them in conversation. Judgment divides people. It let’s us sit in
our nice little boxes and piously observe the filth in other people’s boxes
without getting messy. We need to stop doing this.
If we are
not willing to interact with people who are different, we will never be able to
show them the love and freedom God graciously offers us. We will also miss out
on opportunities to empathize with people who are hurting—to understand how
painful and dark our world can be. Everyone is dealing with something. We need
to enter into the mess, look past the mask of conformity (or anti-conformity if
you are going to brave the storm and talk to the eccentric dude in the corner),
and interact with people that we are tempted to dismiss.
Every
individual has a story. Every person is looking for something that will
satisfy. As Christians, we know what satisfies. So, don’t let your assumptions
or expectations keep you from that weird, culturally inappropriate person in
your midst. And, conversely, don’t hate the person who seems to have it all
together. That unconventional person probably isn’t as freaky and weird as you
think. And that person who seems perfect—isn’t. I think that everyone is
genuinely searching for connection and community in a world that is obsessed
with compartmentalization and socialization. Talk to the weirdo. Engage with
that uptight person. Who knows, he or she may have a bit of insight for you.
